he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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