I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The best revenge is premature balding
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
