I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
