I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
