how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
