Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
