i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
