The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
