His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think i got beer on your cat.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
