she smelled like a LAN party
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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