That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
