I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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