So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
