I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
