The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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