Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
