Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
