Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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