Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
