thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
