I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your penis caused this!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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