Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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