Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize