in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
