my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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