This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
