You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
