I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
