We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
