Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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