dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
