Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
