I just made out with a guy for $7.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
