i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
