I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
