Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
