No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
