She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
