Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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