I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
