so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
