you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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