I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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