Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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