'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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