I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
