I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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