My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
