you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
