i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
