you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
