Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
