my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
