Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
