I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
