Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
