I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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