did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
