Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
