Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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