small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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