when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
