Quick, to the slutcave!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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