MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
