well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
