so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Please don't give away my fajitas
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
