yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize