His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Semen is not good for contacts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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