what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
