fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
one might say we're banned from that church
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My feet surprised me
Randomize
