Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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