oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
