So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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