Im at strip club and am horny
Welp...herpes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
