come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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