i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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